Out of the Wild - Chapter Twenty-One

The door suddenly swung open, and Janet strode in, her expression a mixture of frustration and disbelief.

"You must be out of your mind, Amelia!" she hissed. "Noah may be excused for his naivety, but you - you only make things worse by showing up here like this."

Amelia turned sharply, her posture defensive. "It's my reputation that's at stake!" she shot back.

Noah stood frozen, watching in stunned silence as the two women faced off, their words crackling with tension. He had barely processed what Amelia had said before Janet let out a tired sigh and shook her head.

"Amelia, we all stood by you after what your husband did," Janet said, her voice softer now but no less firm. "But you know as well as I do, that things only got more complicated after that. You made some bad choices and now..."

Amelia's eyes flashed. "What exactly are you saying?"

Janet turned to Noah. "Go, Noah. Give us a moment."

He hesitated, glancing at Amelia, but there was no room for argument in Janet's tone. Reluctantly, he grabbed a sweatshirt, pulled it over his head and stepped into the hallway. Just as the door closed behind him, he caught Janet's words:

"Look, we know something happened between you two on Saturday night..."

The door clicked shut, sealing off whatever came next.

Noah barely had time to register the murmurs around him before he noticed the small crowd that had gathered. Faces turned away the moment his gaze met theirs, but one stood out - Sarah. She was staring, her arms rigid at her sides, her expression unreadable but unmistakably hurt.

"Sarah..." He started towards her, but she shook her head sharply, her jaw clenched. Without a word, she spun on her heel and stormed down the hall.

Noah stared after her in utter bewilderment. "You're all crazy!" he muttered, his voice thick with frustration.

Before he could decide what to do next, a hand gripped his wrist. He turned to find Joanna, her green eyes urgent.

"Come with me," she whispered, pulling him along the corridor.

She led him quickly into her room and closed the door behind them. Pressing her back against it, she exhaled sharply and met his gaze.

"You need to stay out of this mess," she said, shaking her head. "Noah, this world is crazy."

"But I..." Noah started, but Joanna cut him off, her voice sharp.

"Don't! Don't try to justify yourself," she snapped. "I don't care if you slept with her - that's her problem, not yours or mine."

Noah's eyes widened in shock. "You think..."

Joanna let out a dry, humourless laugh. "You think nobody's speculating about this?" She shook her head. "Come on, Noah. I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah was hoping to get you into her bed next."

Noah stiffened. "Is that what this is all about?"

Joanna raised an eyebrow. "Sex? Of course it is! What else do these people have to talk about? It's all they think about, all they consume. And the second you arrived, when Yan mentioned Amelia, you were already part of the gossip mill."

She paced a few steps away, then turned back, her voice dripping with bitter amusement. "The boys checked you out - your physical attributes, let's say - and made sure everyone knew what they saw. The girls? They lost their minds. And now? Now they're all acting crazy!"

Noah ran a hand through his hair, trying to make sense of it all. "But you..."

"Me?" Joanna's lips curled into a grin, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm a freak, remember? Even if I liked you, it wouldn't matter. I'm still a freak."

Her voice cracked slightly at the last word, and for a brief moment Noah caught something raw in her expression - something that didn't quite match her cutting words. Her eyes glistened, her shoulders hunched as if bracing for impact.

He wanted to say something, to challenge her, to tell her she wasn't a freak. But he hesitated, unsure if she would accept his words or tear them apart.

"I don't know what to do!" Noah said desperately, his voice cracking with frustration.

Joanna gave a strange, crooked smile. "Welcome to my world," she said ironically. "We're both stuck in this crazy place, and we can't change what's already happened. I can't get my breasts back and be a 'normal' girl again, and you -" she gestured vaguely in the direction of the corridor, "you can't go back to the wild, no matter how much you want to."

Noah looked at her closely. Beneath the faint shadow of unwanted hair on her face, beyond the boyish appearance forced upon her by failed treatments, he could see something else - a fragile girl shining through. She had a delicate figure, and in another life, he thought, she must have been beautiful before the hormones had betrayed her. She was still beautiful, in a way. When she smiled, despite everything, something was glowing about her.

But his mind was too preoccupied with his own predicament to dwell on the thought for long.

A voice cut through the air, calling his name.

It was Janet.

Noah stiffened, glancing at Joanna, who just shrugged as if to say, "Here we go again. With a heavy sigh, he left her room.

Janet stood in the corridor with her back to him, waving away the stragglers who were still in the aftermath of the earlier drama. She only turned when he spoke.

"I'm here," Noah said.

"Come with me," she said firmly. "We need to talk."

"I don't want to talk about it," Noah said, his patience wearing thin.

Janet softened, her tone becoming almost maternal. "Noah, I understand. But it'll only take a moment."

Reluctantly, he followed her into his room.

As soon as the door closed behind them, he turned to her. "Is Amelia gone?"

Janet hesitated, then nodded. "Yes," she said, her voice softer now. "And she's not coming back, I'm afraid."

Noah's stomach twisted. "Why?" he asked, though he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

Janet exhaled slowly. "It's for the best. For both of you."

Noah clenched his jaw. He wanted to argue, to demand an explanation, but deep down he knew it wouldn't change anything.

"Noah, you need to focus on your work," Janet said, her tone firm but not unkind. "Jamie will help you find your feet, and in the spring, they'll consider giving you a real job. Until then..." She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Keep a low profile."

She gave him a brief hug - unexpected, but strangely grounding - before turning towards the door. Just as she was about to leave, she looked back. "Try to get some sleep. You have to get up early again tomorrow."

Noah nodded automatically, though his mind was still full of unanswered questions.

Why was he getting up at all?

Would Sarah still talk to him after tonight, or had he lost her trust?

Why had Joanna suddenly become interested in him?

And Amelia... Was she really gone for good?

He lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his thoughts turning in restless circles. The voices and footsteps in the corridor faded to a dull murmur, and slowly, as exhaustion weighed on him, the questions lost their sharp edges.

Eventually, sleep took him into a confusion of images and a restless night.

When the alarm rang, it jolted Noah awake, a heavy exhaustion still clinging to him. He rubbed his face, willed himself to feel more alert, but his body protested. With a sigh, he wrapped a towel around his waist, mechanically gathered his washing utensils and stepped out into the hallway. For a fleeting moment, he half expected to see Joanna lurking outside his door, but the corridor was empty.

The walk to the washroom felt longer than usual, and his tiredness made him rush through his morning routine. He skimped on his personal hygiene, barely paying attention to the face in front of him in the mirror. Within minutes, he was done and trudged back downstairs, his mind still dull from sleep.

Then, suddenly, Sarah was there.

They met in silence, an unspoken tension between them. Noah couldn't help but notice the stark contrast between her and Joanna - Sarah's quiet insecurity about her large breasts, the way she kept adjusting her bathrobe, and Joanna's nonchalance in her boyish outfits, as if she had nothing to hide.

"Hi," he said carefully.

Sarah barely looked at him, looking down as if checking her dressing gown. "Hi," she murmured, her tone unreadable, before walking past him.

Noah hesitated, about to let her go, but then she spoke.

"I actually liked you..."

Her voice was soft, uncertain, and the unfinished sentence lingered between them, heavy with meaning.

"And now you don't?" he asked, his stomach twisting slightly.

Sarah exhaled, her eyes flickering downward. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "Give me time..."

Noah stood watching her walk away. He shook his head, puzzled and frustrated. Had Joanna been right all along about Sarah's feelings? Was there more to it than he had realised?

Pushing the thoughts aside, he made his way to the kitchen. As he cracked eggs for an omelette, his thoughts wandered again. The usual breakfast was unappealing this morning. Perhaps he needed a change - something different. He'd have to ask Janet about that later.

As Noah stepped out of the hostel, the cold morning air bit at his skin, making him pull his jacket tighter around him. He had barely taken a few steps when something caught his eye - a figure sprawled in the bushes, almost indistinguishable in the dim light. His heart leapt, and he hurried over.

It was one of the boys he'd seen around the hostel, though he didn't know his name. A deep purple bruise darkened his cheekbone, stark against his pale skin. His body lay unnaturally still, his arm limp as Noah reached out and gave it a firm tug. The boy didn't move.

Panic flashed through Noah. Was he dead? The thought sent a cold shiver down his spine that had nothing to do with the weather. He pressed his fingers against the boy's wrist, but his own hands were so cold he wasn't sure he could feel a pulse.

"Hey!" he tried again, shaking him harder.

For a long moment, nothing happened. Then, suddenly, the boy stirred - his eyes fluttered open, wild and unfocused. Before Noah could say another word, the boy struck out with surprising force, his fist grazing Noah's arm before he collapsed back into the bushes, groaning.

"Wake up!" Noah insisted, his voice sharp with urgency. He shook the boy's shoulder, but there was no response beyond a lazy fluttering of the eyelids. His skin was ashen, his lips blue with cold. Panic surged through Noah. You can't sleep out here! You'll freeze to death!

Realising he couldn't move the boy on his own, Noah jumped to his feet and sprinted across the road, bursting into the hostel. His breath came in ragged gasps as he scanned the corridor for someone - anyone - who could help. He almost collided with Sarah, who was heading for the kitchen.

"You've got to help me!" he blurted out. "There's a boy outside - he's freezing! I tried to move him, but I can't."

Sarah blinked at him, stunned for a moment. Then, recovering, she followed him to the door. The sharp morning chill made her hesitate - she had no coat - but she leaned forward and looked across the street. From where she stood, she could see the boy's legs sticking out of the bushes.

She stepped back into the warmth of the hostel. "I'll call an ambulance. Get a blanket!"

Noah didn't waste a second. He dashed upstairs, ripped the blanket from the bed and raced back outside. He kneeled beside the boy and draped the cloth over him, even as doubt gnawed at him. It won't be enough. The ground beneath him was freezing, sucking the heat from the boy's body. He needed help now.

"Come on, wake up," Noah urged, shaking him again. But this time there was nothing. No stirring, no flinching, not even the flat rise and fall of his chest.

The air suddenly felt heavier.

Just then, the hostel door creaked open, and Joanna stepped out, bundled up in a warm coat. She had a purposeful stride, as if she was going somewhere, but when she saw Noah, she turned to face him.

"What's happened?" she asked, concern flickering in her expression.

"He won't get up!" Noah's voice wavered. "Sarah called an ambulance."

Joanna scanned the street. "Where is she? I haven't seen her."

Noah looked back towards the hostel. Sarah was nowhere in sight. Had she called for help and left him alone? His stomach twisted.

Joanna crouched beside the unconscious boy, her breath visible in the cold air. She reached out and rubbed his hand, testing it for warmth. Her brow furrowed.

"Could be ecstasy," she murmured.

Noah blinked. "What?"

"It's a drug," Joanna clarified, still focused on the boy. "I don't think it's just alcohol."

"You're saying he took something? That this -" Noah gestured helplessly at the boy's motionless form, "is because of drugs?"

Joanna exhaled sharply. "Well, he wouldn't be out here in this state if he was sane."

She reached for the boy's wrist and pressed her fingers against his pulse point. A moment passed, her expression unreadable. Then she slowly withdrew her hand.

"I think he's dead." Her voice was quiet.

A chill, unlike the morning cold, settled deep in Noah's bones. He stared at the boy, wanting him to move, to blink, to do something. But he remained still.

Then the distant wail of a siren shattered the silence, growing louder as it hurtled towards them. Within seconds, an ambulance screeched to a halt. The medics jumped out and rushed towards them.

"Step back," one of them ordered, kneeling beside the boy.

Noah and Joanna obeyed, stepping aside as they watched the paramedics work - checking for signs of life, administering oxygen, trying to revive him. It all felt unreal, like something happening at a distance even though Noah was right there.

Minutes later, the boy was carefully lifted onto a stretcher and loaded into the ambulance. The doors slammed shut and, with a wail of sirens, the vehicle sped away, disappearing down the road.

Noah shivered, though he wasn't sure if it was from the cold or something else. Joanna picked up the blanket he had used and nudged him gently towards the hostel.

They were halfway to the entrance when the door swung open again. Sarah stepped out, now wrapped in a heavy coat. She stopped when she saw them - Joanna's arm around Noah's shoulder, guiding him forward.

Her gaze hardened. "I see," she said coolly. "Joe is your new boyfriend."

Noah didn't react. His mind was elsewhere, still on the image of the unconscious boy - or was he dead, as Joanna had suggested?

Joanna, however, turned to Sarah with a frown. "What's the matter with you? What are you talking about?"

Sarah said nothing. Instead, she turned on her heel and walked away, disappearing down the street without another word.

Noah slowly came out of his daze, the shock beginning to wear off as consciousness returned. He realised that Joanna's arm was still around him, gently guiding him to an armchair in the lounge. The warmth of her presence grounded him, but when they reached the chair, he stopped and gave her a small, tired smile.

"Thank you, but I'm all right now." His voice was hoarse, as if the weight of what had just happened was still on him.

Joanna hesitated, as if reluctant to let go. "OK," she said, stepping back, though her eyes remained on him with quiet concern.

Then, unexpectedly, Noah leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. It was short, a simple gesture - one he had seen before, one meant to comfort. But for Joanna, it was something else entirely.

She froze, startled by the sudden affection, and felt a heat rise in her cheeks. It had been a long time since anyone had touched her with such tenderness. Her blush deepened, and she lowered her eyes, unsure how to react.

Noah saw her reaction and realised, with a strange pang, how much a small act of kindness could mean in a world that often felt cold and indifferent.

Before either of them could say anything, Janet appeared in the doorway, her usually composed expression replaced by something raw and unsettled.

"What's happened?" she asked, her voice full of urgency.

Joanna turned to her. "One of the boys was lying in the bushes outside," she explained. "I think it was ecstasy."

Janet inhaled sharply. "Oh God." Her hands clenched at her sides. "Do you know who it was? One of us?"

Joanna hesitated. "Yes, I think so." A flicker of doubt crossed her face before she added, "His name might be Jeremy."

Janet's reaction was instantaneous. Her shoulders slumped, and for a moment, she just stood there, as if absorbing the blow. Then she raised a hand to her face, fingers pressing into her forehead, and Noah thought - just for a second - that he saw tears in her eyes.

But before he could be sure, Janet turned abruptly and hurried out of the room, her movements tense, almost frantic.

Joanna exhaled as she watched her go. Then she turned back to Noah. "I have to go. Will you be all right?"

Noah nodded, but concern flickered across his features. "What about Janet?"

Joanna sighed. "If he's one of her boys, the police will question her. It could compromise the hostel."

Noah frowned, the weight of the situation settling on him. It wasn't just about the tragedy of one night - it was about the ripples it would cause, the consequences that could shake the fragile lives tied to this place.

As they walked towards the exit, Joanna looked up at him, her expression unreadable. Then, on impulse, she reached up and pulled him down slightly, planting a quick kiss on his cheek.

"See you later," she murmured, then turned and walked away.

Noah stood for a moment, watching her small frame disappear down the street, her hurried steps betraying a mixture of vulnerability and quiet strength.

A gust of cold air brought him back to the present. He turned in the opposite direction, towards the garden centre. But before he had taken more than a few steps, a familiar car pulled up beside him.

Jamie got out, her sharp gaze sweeping over him. "I'll drive you, but first I need to see Janet," she said. "Come in."

Without waiting for a reply, she strode towards the hostel entrance. Noah followed, his mind still tangled with the events of the morning.

Inside, he watched as Jamie disappeared into Janet's office. The door was slightly ajar, and in the brief moment before it closed, Noah saw Janet rush forward, saw her almost collapse into Jamie's arms.

They held each other tightly, a silent exchange of comfort and urgency, before Jamie closed the door behind them.

Noah exhaled and sat in a chair just outside the office, staring at the closed door. The hostel, usually a place of constant movement and chatter, felt strangely quiet. As if everyone inside, like him, was waiting to see what would happen next.

Ten minutes later, Jamie emerged from Janet's office to find Noah sitting where she'd left him, his posture slumped, his eyes distant.

"Come on," she said briskly. "Let's find you something to do. Might help take your mind off this morning."

Her matter-of-fact tone was oddly comforting, a welcome contrast to the storm of emotions still swirling in his head. He nodded and followed her without a word.

They got into the car, and the drive to the garden centre was almost silent. Noah appreciated that Jamie didn't force the conversation. Some people would have filled the silence with empty reassurances, but she just let him be, which was exactly what he needed.

When they arrived, Noah changed into his work clothes and rolled up his sleeves as Jamie set him a task.

"Move these compost heaps," she instructed, gesturing towards the far end of the garden centre.

Noah glanced at the mounds of dark, damp earth and nodded, though he had the distinct feeling that the job was more about keeping his hands busy than anything else. This was good. Manual labour was its own kind of therapy. He set to work, shovelling, pulling, letting the rhythm of it settle his thoughts.

At noon, Jamie leaned against a wooden post and watched him. "What's on your mind?" she asked.

Noah hesitated, sorting through the jumble of thoughts that had occupied him all morning. At last, he found the simplest truth.

"I miss my old life."

Jamie studied him for a moment, then nodded. "I understand that. It was easier in some ways, wasn't it? But it was hard too."

"We didn't think about it," Noah admitted. "We just got on with things. There weren't many distractions. And the country - God, just looking at the mountains, running through the grass - it was invigorating."

Jamie smiled. "Even in winter?"

Noah's face softened at the memory. "Winter was a challenge, yes. But the snow - pristine, so bright it almost glowed - it was beautiful. We'd sit by the fire and tell stories and take hot baths."

Jamie raised an eyebrow. "Hot baths? Out there? How'd you manage that?"

"Fire," Noah replied simply. "We'd heat the water in a big pot. Josy and I got in first, then Mum, then Dad last - Mum always said he was the dirtiest."

Jamie chuckled, but then tilted her head, curiosity flickering in her expression. "Wait, so you all shared the same bath water? Even when you got older?"

Noah frowned. "Yes. Why?"

Jamie shrugged. "I don't know. Just different, I guess. I mean... when you started looking more like your dad, did that change anything?"

Noah looked at her strangely. "Why should it? Josy started to look more like mum too. It's just nature. We saw it with the animals. It wasn't a big deal."

Jamie exhaled and rubbed her neck. "It's not so normal here. I've never even seen my parents naked."

Noah nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, I noticed. The girls here are shy. Even some of the boys. But Joanna - she's a girl and she's not so shy."

Jamie was silent for a long moment, then suddenly straightened, her expression changing with a thought.

"I've got an idea!"

Noah watched as her eyes darted towards the office. Without explaining, she stepped inside, returning a moment later with a large atlas.

"What if we travelled to your home in the spring?" she suggested, flipping through the pages.

Noah sat up straight. "Really?"

Jamie frowned at the map, unhappy. "I don't suppose you can show where you lived on this?"

Noah looked at the pages and shook his head. "No, this is too vague. I need an NTS map - one with proper detail. That way I can read the terrain features, elevations and landmarks. Otherwise, there's nothing to go on."

"NTS?" Jamie asked, intrigued.

Noah searched his memory. "Something about topographical maps. We used one all the time."

Jamie nodded. "OK, so we'll need one of those. And a compass."

Noah's excitement grew. "Yes! With a good map and a compass, we'd have a real chance of finding the house. The police took my dad's maps when they arrested me. And my rifle."

Jamie gave him a mischievous smile. "Well, we'll get what we need. We'll plan it. We'll leave in the spring. Something to look forward to." She grinned. "Our little adventure."

For the first time in a long time, Noah felt a glimmer of hope. His old life might be gone, but maybe - just maybe - he could find a piece of it again.